My Absence

Molly's face could sum up how I have been feeling for quite some time now, and that explains why I never write here anymore. Avoidance. To explain myself or my situation to those who reads this is hard. I could stand in front of a crowd of strangers and detail my feelings with no shame, but to explain it to family and friends that evokes shame. I do not want to air my laundry lists of complaints and hardships, listing them out on the screen does the feelings behind those words no justice. All I can say is that even the day to day necessities of life and the to do list that goes along with my life has been hard, too hard. So I did not have the energy to come here and write about all the funny things Ella said, or capture moments with my camera, or explain the antics of Molly, to pretend. They still happened and I am sad that none of them will be documented but the time came to take care of myself.



As you can see Molly was just pretending to be sad, I wish I could say the same. But what I can say is I am doing all of the things I need to do to get back to the place I once was, or maybe even a better space for myself.

Phone Etiquette

http://view.break.com/527579 - Watch more free videos

This guy is a real piece of work, have a listen for yourself.

Morning Hygine

After her first cup of coffee Molly likes to go in the bathroom and "polish" her face. This involves wetting wadded up balls of toilet paper and then scrubbing her face with this glop of cold wet toilet paper. She then drops the globs in to the sink which she has filled with water allowing the toilet paper breaks down a little more thereby forming the perfect consistency to clog the sink drain. Sometimes she will even offer to polish me.

*She does not really drink coffee, she drinks her usual lemonade

Six

When I look at other peoples six year old's they have always resembled children in every way the same is not true when I look at my own six year old. Her hands are still so small and she is still in need of help from an adult hand more often then not. To me the six year old who resides in this house is still a baby, she still breaks in to tears with the slightest provoking, she still wants the guard railing on her bed which looks so big even when she is stretched out in it. She still takes a bath with her little sister the focus not on getting clean but getting adequate play time. She never asks for privacy I do not think she even knows what that is yet. She still likes her fruit cut in to little bite size pieces. I always thought that six years old's were fairly independent until I shared a house with one. But as life is riddled with so many contradictions baby is not a label that fits Ella, she can tell time, she can count to 212 ( I am not sure why she thinks she can not count any higher than that), she can get herself a cup of water or her own snack, she can look thing up on the Internet all by herself, and every day I am amazed at all the things she does that I did not help her learn. It is just that when I look at her and all her intelligence and Independence I still see my baby. Other six year old's are children I am not sure what my six year old is but it does not seem possible that she does not have at least a little bit of baby left in her.

I wrote this a while ago but never hit publish, so here it is now.

The 4th

She is still not crazy about fireworks but she looooved the sparklers, or sprinklers as she called them. It' s a small step but a step none the less.



Ella really liked the sparklers as well, Nick would would spell out her name with the sparkler and she thought that was really cool.

Ear Peircing

Ella graciously volunteered for Molly to go first, and Molly not really knowing what was involved simply saw this as an opportunity to be first for once. So she hopped up on the chair with a big smile and her new Hello Kitty and let them pin her hair back.


Marking where the earrings will go.


Now here is where she started to loose her confidence.


But there were no tears or arguments .


But then they pushed the earring through and Molly let out a little yelp and gave an indignant ouch. Then she looked over at me with a look of mistrust that gave rise to feelings of guilt. However within just a minute she announced that her ears no longer hurt and her eyes danced over all of the girly merchandise that was contained in the store.

Next up Ella she got right up in the chair a somewhat nervous smile across her face.


As soon as her hair was pinned back she got very quiet. Then there was a delay, they were going to do both ears at the same time and the other woman had been held up on her way to the front of the store. Ella was having second thoughts, she whispered to me "I don't want them to do both at the same time", I reassured her that this would be the best way. I further explained that it would only hurt for a second, reminding her of how impressed the nurses had been with her bravery at her last doctors appointment when she needed 3 shots and hardly flinched.


Armed with that information she was ready.


She winced, stiffened and prepared herself for what was to come....


Then it was over and she realized it was no big deal. Not a tear, not a yelp or an ouch, her shoulders relaxed the tension released and she just wanted to see how the earrings looked.

Windows

Forget the rest of the house I would be happy to live in this garage.


As far as these windows go they are not spectacular in and of themselves but the view is and I just love the red steel exterior and the floor to ceiling windows on the first floor.


I love these old windows where the centers tilt out for ventilation.


I do not know why but I just love windows, you might say it is a bit of an obsession. I have a huge old window in my living room that my mother found and I transformed in to a mirror. I also have six windows in my front hall that I found leaning against a tree with a free sign on them. I knew I had to have them the minute I saw them but I had no idea what I would do with them. Months later I decided to build some book cases in the front hall to utilize the orphaned windows. Amazingly enough the larger two windows fit perfectly on bookcases I had already built (the bottom row of book cases was already built and I built on top of that to extend them to the ceiling) in the front hall, it was just meant to be.

Most of the items that went in to renovating the front hall were found items. The cubbies for the coats and the shoe drawer were planters that someone was throwing away, I just added some paint, trim and hardware.

The dresser was found at the dump by my mother and I refinished it in white to coordinate with the rest of the furniture in the room.The bench was given to me by my mother in law and like the dresser was given a coat of white paint.


The first set of bookcases I built were made with wood that someone was getting rid of, another find by my mother, come to think of it the room would not be what it is without my mother. She also found the window that replaced the the three small casement windows that adorned the front of my house when we first moved in.


The front room is my favorite room in the house and by far the least amount of money was spent on this room. It was a room that was mostly wasted space when we moved in. It was not really large enough for seating area, although we did have Christmas dinner out there one year. I just had no idea what the purpose of the room should be and I am glad I gave it the time to evolve in to the best use of space for our family. So in case you are curious (most of you reading have seen the progress) but for those of you who have not....


View #1 the front hall as it was when we looked at the house, look how little Ella was.

View #2 -After I ripped of the wood paneling and framed out the laundry room. Don't worry the ugly lights, mirror , sink and cabinet are long gone.
View #3- This is the view from the same direction after all of the work had been completed.
View #1- The room facing from the other direction when we first looked at the house. See the ugly little windows and the dark trim.
View #2 After moving in and starting the work. Nick I will never forget your face when you came home and saw that I had ripped off all the paneling, I knew it would have to be done when you were not home because you would have been content to leave the paneling right where it was.
View #3 - The view from that direction after the work was done, you can see the other side of the room if you look at the picture with the coat and shoe cubbies.

Happy Birthday Bobo

Molly Ann today you are five years old! For some reason you think your birthday is July 7th but you will happily accept a party on any old day of the month thank goodness. When I wished you a happy birthday this morning you told me it was not in fact your birthday then you asked indignantly how I would know that anyway. I explained that I was there when you were born and it is not likely a day I will ever forget. As the doctor pulled you out he said this one is all checks and I have never been certain if he was referring to the checks on your face or perhaps the other ones, either way they are both adorable in my opinion. As soon as you caught your breath from arguing with me you jutted your bottom teeth and inquired about whether or not they were loose yet. You are my silly, dramatic (you wear costumes more often than regular clothes), beautiful little girl and all of us who love and adore you have been lucky enough to spend the past 1825 days with you. Happy Birthday Bobo!!!!

Summer Evenings

Ella and Daddy.
Maga's kitchen.
Most of the time when I pull out the camera this is what I get.
Ella actually took that photo of me so I thought I would include it, she really likes to take photos. She looks so cute with my giant camera angled up against her eye and the strap around her little neck and she surprises me with the results of her efforts.
She no longer looks like a toddler but very much a little girl, even so I bribed her to put on this dress which I adore but is a size 2. I promise the dress will now be retired but she just looked so adorable.

Ella has to bite in to all of her food using the left side of her mouth but with that tooth loosening more and more by the day what will she do?

So I picked the dress but the shoes were all Bobo's idea.
I just love this photo, running free in the yard with the scent of burgers on the grill.
Molly was a little concerned about the possibility of "funder"(thunder). She would peck her little face through the screen door and ask "did any of you guys hear a little funder" Thankfully no one had head any and there was none for the rest of the night.

Ella is now 100% daddies little girl and has little use for what comes out of my mouth, notice the rolling of the eyes?
These photo's were all taken at Maga's house on a warm summer evening, which is my favorite kind.